Back From the Songwriting

Thanks for all your prayers! God heard and was gracious.

Truth be known-- I sucked... but I was chosen to be here and I know of things to fix.

Overall, this was the greatest week of my entire life. Sorry but it really does far surpass everything else ...ever--- Salvation's a bigger deal, but I didn't have to go through as much when it happened, nor did it take almost a week to do.

Anyway, last night we had to perform a movie-turned-musical. The film was a violent and flawed British gangster film that Ray said needed improving. He has the gangster repent in the end. :>

Ray gave me 3 narrative plot segments to do on it (originally 4, but one guy came up light on stuff to do) and a song for one of the characters. Other people had about 2 bits to do.

Lyrically, I was able to do what I was given, but my voice sucked, my guitar was out of tune, my hand couldn't sustain bar chords anymore... And yet you just carry on and everyone supports each other. It was recorded, and I sucked. Everyone had imperfections (the nature of working fast), but hey.

We consider each other "Army Buddies," and are family forever now. I'm sure as a result of prayer, we bonded very well. Ray couldn't take me to London, but offered to take me to Okehampton (which is 11 miles up the road), but I needed to go further so I told him I'd be OK.

Yeah, I turned him down... There's a lot of things I did this week that just blow the mind. BLOW the MIND!

Yesterday at dinner, Ray goes, "Hey D., guess what song's been stuck in my head?" And he sung a bit of my "Four-footed Protector" song. I laughed and said, "It's a hit!" Then today, before I left, Ray was packing up, and as he passed me as I sat on a bench near his car, he looked at me and started singing the tune yet again. I said, "You're welcome!"

The total highlight of everything: I'm still reeling in the song L.E. did for me. That was the total broadsided miraculous gift of God for me. I knew that was God (and Ray's not being able to forget that stupid song of mine).

From one dinner conversation, L.E. pegged me in song-- in a really GOOD song that was melancholy and hopeful at the same time. That's what I would want... Not any fluffy thing, but it's gentle-hearted too.

I told him that it's now a part of my life for the rest of my life. He doesn't think it's finished, so I guess there's more to come? God, what are you doing to me?! When I listen to it, I feel a huge knife digging in my soul gouging out muck... and this morning I threw up. I didn't even feel sick.

And it still just blows my mind that Ray picked the very best writer on the course to write a song for me-- and that the guy was exactly the sort of person it would have to be to really hit me the way it did. (Did that make any sense?) By that I guess I mean that I think the guy is a total natural talent-- a dead ringer for a character I'm developing in a project called Spokes... down to his spoken voice, presence, type of talent, mannerisms and attitude of style. He's a great guitar player, got a perfect spoken and singing voice, awkward shyness that always works in that kind of package and is easy on the eyes (usually hard to get my attention that way- But don't worry-- Nothing is inappropriate, I'm just saying...)

Bull's eye... and God used HIM to start a deep healing... DEEEEEEEP healing... It's working and it's hard to take. I haven't cried it through yet, but a little.

I told him that that song would probably be played at my funeral (not to be macabre), and he laughed and said "That's perhaps the weirdest and most wonderful complement I could ever receive."

I sucked, and it doesn't matter, because something's going on.

Ray supports the PhD venture... Will be there for me if I need it.

My life is goofy and can be very great, after gaps of complete confusion. Still confused. Mildly disappointed that I couldn't have offered more, but understand why I couldn't. With a tribe, it'll be easier to fix, I think.

Bonded with a number of people in particular... A vicar named Andrew, a crusty kid named Chris, a totally unique and hilarious kid named Nick, L.E.... Who else? Golly we all did, but those I feel I got to know more than others.

Early in the week, some including L.E. and a few others had talked of a sense of not belonging anywhere... and at the end of it, I think I can say, I think I found my tribe. Others sense it and agree. We stayed up most of the night because we didn't want it to end. I got one hour of sleep. :>

That's all for now. Thanks again for all your support! What's next is anyone's guess.